One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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