Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Randomize
