He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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