You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
