I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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