super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
