I hate your face
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
