Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
