you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
