i barfeds in our rink
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize