So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
