Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are we still banned from the library?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
