think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
