I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
