all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
