Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
