I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize