I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
