I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize