Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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