I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
