Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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