I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
