my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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