He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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