Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
