I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
