dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize