my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
