I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
