Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
