u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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