youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
