I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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