i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
