nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
