just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
