I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
