Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
