I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
