ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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