If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
