I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
