his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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