Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
