so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
