Pants 0. Shit 1.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
