did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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