Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
