Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
