Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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