Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
