who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
