so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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