Yo dont text me then not text me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
