I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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