During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
40s are totally the cure
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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