Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
