burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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