I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
