How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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