I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
