well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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