dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
