We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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