It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
