I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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