Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize