you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
