Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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