so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
