I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
