The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
