I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
