I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
