Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
