I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize