??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She bit a glass in half.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
