Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize