At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Pants are for mortals
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize