My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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