you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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