found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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