I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i've created a new STD.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
