i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
