i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
