Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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