White coat. Heels.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
