Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
