whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize