after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
