The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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