god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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