marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
