At least make sure they are 18
Why
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
