Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
