Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
