Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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