you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize