Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
