I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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